#Helena's Journals

[theshadowofthedoctor]

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(OOC: Space Babies Spoilers. This account is not safe for people not watching the new season from now on)

Well, its been a bit since I've writen. Ruby's traveling with us now, dad gave her a TARDIS key. ANYWAY That last trip was insane, there was a baby farm and the Bogeyman and it was crazy. Ruby, dad and I were covered in snot by the end of it sadly. Ruby accidentally slipped underneath one of the tissue? dispensers and well... she got covered in snot. and I helped her, tried to wipe it off. I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST SLIME.

JUST SLIME. Until Dad looked at the thing and started looking at us, so I took a look and well... uh.. it was snot. Ruby and I were covered in snot. Promise I've showered before writing this. It was disgusting oh my god. It was in my hair too apparently cause of my curls.

The babies, the space babies. They were so cute. I feel bad for them, starting out life like that. I mean.. I was made like them, i mean I think so. I never dug that deep to find where... but I.. I was like them at one point in my life. Alone, no one. Hadn't even been hugged, at least by someone who loved me. I'm glad dad found me. I'm glad Poppy, Eric, Saltine, and the rest of them have Jocelyn. Those babies need someone physically there.

Dad did something incredibly brave. He went into that fucking airlock after telling me and ruby to go off and get the sonic out of Jocelyn's set up. He almost went out into space if he hadn't been careful. I was scared and while its not a new emotion, I haven't felt it that much in a long time. It was scary, actually scary. I was scared today. I didn't like it. I don't like being scared.

Anyway, I should head to bed. Cause I am exhausted. Being scared a scientificy designed level takes a lot out of someone. Goodnight.

[thebramblewood]

The first meeting of the Vatore Book Club has commenced.

Previous / Next

Helena: Caleb, are you in here? [telepathically] Caleb?

[silence]

[under breath] Where are you? You promised you’d show me more today.

[picking up journal] Hmm. These definitely weren’t here before.

[begins reading]

May 25, 1918: Another night daymare. Same as all the others. Calloused hands squeezing my throat, phantom fists pummeling my stomach, shrill bursts of laughter assailing my ears, sky of taunting stars, blinding white moon, a monstrous form looming over me… Straud insists I should no longer be able to dream. One more bold-faced lie from a man who speaks arrogant, empty words just to hear his own voice - and endlessly, endlessly. I already tire of his dull speeches.

July 10, 1918: The days stretch eternal in this crumbling mansion. I am Straud’s prisoner, though he claims I am free to come and go as I please. Yet he prattles on with excuses as though he does me a favor by denying me. I’ll not be allowed off the grounds until I bend to his will, until I  have suitably mastered discipline. How I loathe that word! I’ll be sick if I hear it once more.

September 8th, 1918: Killed two men last night. Only meant to step out for fresh air but instead found drunken idiot humans stumbling unknowingly across town lines. Their thoughts came to me easily. (So the old man taught me something after all.) Vile and crude remarks on my body, naturally. My vision flashed white with rage, and my body convulsed as if to split in two. Their taste of their blood was exquisite. It’s a funny thing, though. I kept expecting the swell of remorse to arise, but it never did, even when my brother, drawn by the cacophony, flinched away at the sight of my monstrousness, truly frightened of me for the first time. Further reflection is required, but for now I must depart. Straud requires placating.

Helena: [thinking] This is Lilith’s diary?

[flips to final pages]

February 22, 1921: Caleb’s birthday tomorrow. If it passes, he will be 27. He will continue to outpace me in physical age. He will eventually die. I’ve promised it will not. All week, he has been nervously pacing and eerily silent, too afraid to ask the obvious question: Will I truly make him like me? I know how to do it, but thirst remains a constant presence in the back of my throat. I suppose I will take it up with Straud one last time, though he will respond as usual. He believes the gift should be offered only to those who have been deemed worthy. But he grows uncomfortable when I ask how he determined my worthiness. I know he saw me merely as an opportunity, a flimsy young girl in distress who could be easily remolded in his image. I disappoint him every day. We must be free of him soon.

-

Vlad, telepathically: I can still hear every thought that passes through your mind, girl. Your barricades are sloppily constructed. And, no, my position has not changed.

[terrestrea]

Lar, 19 de março de 2024.

[askhelena]

✒ xx/xx/xxx

i nearly lost my dang scarf! if it weren't for marci's help, the gods above known this dungeon would've turned to dust and debris.

...

however, i cannot help but think of Evangeline's question earlier. what IS my favorite color? if I was a fawn, i would've proudly shown off my scarf and answer it's red.

but..it truly isn't. i just favor it since it's the very last thing my mother created for me.

...

my mother was beautiful, so I've heard. they say my twin brother and I look exactly like her, but I've gotten more of her feminine features.

she died when the three of us were young, too young in fact.

i don't remember her face, nor her voice but judging from her heart alone and the way she treated my brother and i so kindly, from what I could at least gather from fading memories..she has a beautiful soul, and was too kind for this wretched world.. especially my father.

[spindlepines]

I've always believed that the love you see with your heart is stronger than the love seen with your eyes. || Helena Adams

[thejournaldiaries]

[goddammitjosef]

i love memoirs its so fucked up modern politicans dont keep memoirs like they used to pre 1960s ig their twitter is close enough tho

[antiquatedsimmer]

May 16,

My Dearest Diary,

As the cool embrace of spring bids us farewell, I find myself gazing out upon the countryside of Henford, which is now adorned in glistening pools of rain. The heavy rainfall has given me time to take up writing, In these moments of confinement within the walls of our humble abode, I am compelled to express my gratitude for the respite from the impending heat that summer shall bring.

Alas, my heart is heavy with a tinge of sadness, for young Silas, my precious boy, is confined indoors due to the inclement weather. It seems that time has slipped through my fingers, for he has grown in leaps and bounds. Now, at the tender age of four, he brings immeasurable joy to my days. Truly, I could not have asked for a greater gift.

Lately, my thoughts have ventured toward the possibility of bestowing a sibling upon Silas. In the depths of my slumber, I am visited by recurring dreams, where the patter of small feet resonates upon these well-worn wooden floors, accompanied by the symphony of laughter that fills our humble abode. The vision of a bustling household, brimming with jovial voices, warms my weary soul.

However, I find myself yearning for a heart-to-heart conversation with Eddy, my dear husband. Regrettably, his duties and responsibilities have consumed his time, leaving me with these musings to ponder in solitude.

I must exercise patience and trust in the divine plan that the Lord has woven for us.

Helena Stoker Doyle Harrington

[deardiary-history]

Friday, August 9, 1940 (Phyllis)

Had Lorraine, Patsy Nason, Jean Melone, Minnetta Stein over. Took some pictures with my camera. Got a singing telegram from Lorraine and one from Joan Murphy. Dede gave me a camera, Mom a book and photo album, Connie a charm for my bracelet, Bob Coldwell a charm for my bracelet, Grandma a napkin ring, Aunt Ella slippers and a hankie, Pat a photo album just like Mom's so she took it back, Jean talcum powder, Aunt Ida [a] manicure set, Aunt Helena 4 pair socks.

[tea-rngup]

Helena Harper

[kiras-monkey-bum-face]

besties who work in primary education how do you switch off because we are in the 3rd week of summer and I am still getting stress dreams

[theshadowofthedoctor]

[It seems you have access to another one of Helena's journal entries]

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Well, its been awhile! First, Bill's dead. She died, I spilled my entire hearts out to her after she died. Well.. more so like after she was converted.. into a Cyberman. She resisted it though, I love loved her for that. She didn't even realize she was a Cyberman until dad talked to her about it. She's with Heather now though, but even if she wanted to be with me.. no I doubt it. I should've never thought I was going to be hers ever.

Anyway, uh.. I regenerated, so did dad. We lost the TARDIS, landed in Sheffield, met some new friends: Ryan, Yaz, and Graham! They all were super helpful during the post regeneration sickness. God I was a wreck, and according to Ryan The Doctor was even worse. I like Ryan, hes nice. and he's smart. Like incredibly smart. Genuinely very smart. Ryan's related to Graham, and went to school with Yaz. I feel bad for Ryan and Graham, I was the reason Grace (Ryan's nan and Graham's wife) died. I got distracted by The Doctor going up against Tim Shaw, speaking of that future me, please look up The Stenza.

Tim Shaw cheated and used technology he wasn't supposed to have for this leadership role thing, The Doctor didn't say much on that, and well the technology he was using was going after the crane The Doctor was on and well Grace, in a way, sacrificed herself. To keep Ryan safe, because he was in the same crane The Doctor was on.

Yaz, she's a police woman, she's very nice. Broke the law a couple of times for The Doctor and I. She was very helpful when i tripped and smashed my nose, and very very helpful on Desolation. Speaking of Desolation, that was a fucked up planet. Genuinely fucked. Absolutely fucking fucked. DO NOT want to go back. That's where we found The TARDIS. Speaking of We did in fact lose mom. I regenerated mid air, probably why I don't like loud noises. Speaking of, please keep an eye on that too. See if the loud noises thing is common between regenerations. like a permanent trait, because i could handle loud noises last time. Maybe my ears are more sensitive this time.

OH WAIT photo! The Doctor says I look like River a bit, but I don't look as much like Missy. I like that, I think. Especially after everything that happened, that'll be another entry. Might just be its own journal book honestly.

Anyway, Graham, he reminds me a bit of dad, the Scotsman. He's sweet and nice, but a little rough around the edges, probably because The Doctor and I shot him into space by accident, well to be fair we also shot Ryan and Yaz into space too. That's how we got to Desolation. OOH Speaking of! Mom looks so cool! Her console room is all crystal themed and its so cool. There's a custard cream dispenser for mom, I think that's her little thing, like how Bowtie had his fish fingers and custard. I'll have to try it, new face, new taste buds new everything really. Hopefully I still like it. I promised him I would eat some every once in awhile.

Anyway this seems a little long, I know The Doctor is trying to get Yaz, Ryan, and Graham home. I think we just landed though. I'll write more later.

[thebramblewood]

As Lilith’s question lingered in my mind — Do you trust me? — it required all of my dwindling energy to focus on something other than the peculiar sensation of her fangs digging into the tender flesh of my neck. Eventually, as my vision blurred and darkened, my mind drifted to a more comforting view, memories of an idyllic childhood. We were innocent then, troubled by nothing, not yet cognizant of the weight of expectation that would soon be thrust upon us. Though only two years separated us, I idolized Lilith. She was so confident and daring, two qualities I’d always lacked. I would have followed her anywhere, trusted her in anything — in fact, I did more often than not.

Only now, as I recall these final moments of my mortal life, does that trust begin to waver.

Previous / Next

Young Caleb: You’ll never make it all the way to the top.

Young Lilith: Will too.

Young Caleb: Will not.

Young Lilith: Will too! Let’s make a deal. If I reach the tallest branch, you have to climb up after me.

Young Caleb: I don’t know, Lily…

Young Lilith: Why are you so afraid if you don’t even think I can do it?

Young Caleb: It isn’t fair if I help you up.

Young Lilith: Just be quiet and stop wiggling. You’d better get climbing, pipsqueak!

Young Caleb: Don’t call me that! Look, I’m even higher than you!

Governess: [distantly] Lilith and Caleb Vatore! Get your behinds down here! Your mother will have my hide if you scuff up your Sunday best.

Young Lilith: [giggling breathlessly] Last one inside is a rotten egg!

Young Caleb: Wait! Help me down, Lily. I’m too scared. Don’t leave me here, Lily! Come back!

-

Caleb: [faintly] Lily?

Vlad: Goddamn it, girl! Get the hell off!

[discordant piano notes]

You’re killing him!

[bobfloydsbabe]

Do I spend money on makeup or puzzles? That is the question.

[hallawayheart-moved]

graduating university doesn't always prepare you for the real world realities of having to find a job, then having a job.